Today I wanted to write something about me that kinda scares me and makes me wonder about myself, it’s like a flaw. But as the years have passed I’ve learned to accept my flaws and be okay with it. So today I thought I could share with you what makes me stand out from the random people and I also wanted anyone who goes through this to know that they’re not alone. And it’s okay, you just have to learn to accept and love your imperfections.
So a part of my dream has always been travelling and meeting new people. Now as far as the traveling goes I’m fine but when I the part of meeting people as in “interacting” with other humans comes in my brain just fails to function and I get the biggest panic attack. So it’s not just meeting people, if I go to a mall and see something I wanna buy or like a shop I will first look around to check exactly how many people are in the shop and if it’s more than 4-5 people I will simply just not have the guts to go inside. Now its not humans I’m afraid of I’m afraid of the fact that if I walk inside will they stare at me?, Is my outfit okay?,Do I look like an idiot?…and so on..
If someone comes over to me and tries to talk to me, I notice everything good about them, I tell myself that they are perfect and then I start to compare me to them and I point out all the ways I’m not perfect and they are. Soon I feel smaller than them, I feel stupid. So most of the time I just avoid having conversations with other people. Another thing that bothers me about me is that if I’m standing in the way of someone or just am not in the right place and they ask me to move a little, my brain will literally freeze, it’s like I don’t understand the language English anymore, and so after a while of standing there like an idiot my brain will finally decide to function and move out of someone’s fucking way. I swear it’s like I have to prove what moron I am. Now another thing that happens is that I drift away into my imagination in the middle of a bloody conversation, it’s like everything is going great and my friend asks me which tv show I like the most and everyone else is sitting there waiting for me to answer and guess where I’ll be, in the fucking world of Oz. So yeah, I could go on about this forever but I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough.
But what about you guys, what embarrassing things do you do in front of the public. Let me know in the comments so I don’t feel like a lonely freak.With Love, H