You knew that the poor woman had lost her money, she said it had been stolen by the people who collected the garbage from our house. You knew the money was stolen from the woman who worked for us, cleaned our house. And yet you did nothing.When she tried to take a stand you took their side, you said they would never do anything like that, when you barely knew them. You Yelled at my mother when she tried to identify the person she saw come in that day. You called the poor woman a liar and let those people walk free.But the thing that hurts me the most is that I didn’t say a word, I didn’t try to tell you to stop or take our side, maybe I knew you never would or maybe I was just to afraid to speak. I wanted to, I wanted to yell and tell the world that what happened was wrong but no words escaped my mouth and I was frozen.
And I’m not trying to make you look bad, but I wonder when you tell people that you only speak the truth and are one of the most sincere men they will ever meet, I wonder if all that you think you speak is truth when it’s just another lie. And I know we aren’t all perfect but how can you ignore something so big and look past it as if it was nothing? How can you take a strangers side over your own family? All I want is for you to be the person you are, and stop telling others how straight forward you are, when you cannot even see in all this clarity. You make yourself out to be a god, you think you have power over everything, you hold on to your ego so tightly that you’ve become heartless, and now I no longer feel like you are the person you were when I was just a little girl. Or maybe you were always this person and I just couldn’t see clearly.
I wrote this open letter because I’ve given up, I’ve given up telling myself that he is still the person he was. In the last few years of my life I’ve grown, and started to gain sense of my surroundings, I’ve started to see the difference between right and wrong, and a part of me wants to go back to not knowing anything other than which toy I wanted next. Because ever since I’ve woken up, I’ve realised all the things around me aren’t good, the people I live with and have loved aren’t who they say they are. Words have started to mean more to me than just joint letters of the alphabet, and every word that escaped your mouth when you were mad, the words you later on told me you didn’t mean, well they meant something to me, they hit me right where my heart is and left me wounded. You expect those wounds to heal with money and gifts, and even when they do start to heal, when we do start to forgive, you do it again, you scream and shout and throw things around and you pour salt on the wounds again and again until they can no longer heal. So today I’ve reached my breaking point, after today I can no longer look at you the same, I will never stop loving you but this love, it will and never can be the same. I don’t ask for you to be perfect, because we’ve all made mistakes, I’ve done things in my life that I’m not proud of, but I’ve learned from each and every mistake, and I’ve always apologised for what I’ve said but most of all I’ve never said it again. But it’s almost like you don’t care, like you enjoy the pain, and never seem to learn from your mistakes, it never seems to get better, it just gets worse.
So Dear Father, I’m sorry but I tried, I tried for the past 16 years of my life all I did was try, and all you did was destroy, you and everyone that ever loved you. I hope with all my heart that one day you might change but for now, I’ll be locked in my room with nothing left to say.-H