Hey guys, so I haven’t been feeling that good lately, I’ve been really depressed and I didn’t feel like posting anything, I created this blog as a place where I can empty out the feelings and thoughts that keep piling up in my brain, a place where I can be myself. So instead of posting when not wanting to, I thought I could talk about how I’m feeling and if any of you guys relate then awesome, you should know you’re not alone and we’re in this together, but if some of you guys don’t relate, that’s fine you don’t have to.
So I’ve been having anxiety attacks, in the middle of the day or through the night, and when I tell people they just say “oh, well just don’t think about it”. What these people don’t know is that it’s my brain that decides in the middle of the night to just bring up the worst and most horrifying thoughts, and I can’t just “not think about it”, cause it’s kinda not my choice. For example, laying in bed at like 12:00 at night, my mind will start to think of things like “what if I die today?, Will anyone even care?, Why do humans exist?, Will I ever make it to college?, “Does my existence even matter?, Wouldn’t the world be a better place without me In it?
And these thoughts just get scarier and deeper by the minute, it sometimes reaches a point where I’m literally pulling at my own hair to make it stop.
What I mostly do to drown these thoughts out, is to either Read a book, Watch a TV show/Anime, listen to music etc..
So I just wanted you guys to know why I haven’t been posting, and sorry that this post wasn’t the best I guess I’m not in a good place right now, but I will still try to post more often, and guys if you go through the same stuff tell me how you deal with it in the comments I would genuinely like to know, stay safe, stay awesome.-H