I Like It When…

370h

I like the conversations that start with a small “hello” or a mere question, but then they go deeper, deeper to the point where we talk about death and all that scares us, we share our secrets and tell silly jokes, while we inhale the smoke of our cigarettes. We ultimately lose the track of time, we stay awake till’ our eyes beg us for sleep, and our minds scream for some rest, we say goodnight, and the next morning we see each other as different people, we lose the idea we had of each other yesterday, now that we’ve seen inside the cold cemented walls blocking the way to our hearts.

I like it when I’m walking in the halls and I hear the piano playing, I instantly jog to the music room, and there I am greeted with the beautiful image of a quite boy, his eyes shut, as his fingers move along the keys so swiftly, he brings the room to life, and he loses himself in the beauty he has created by pressing the keys. After a while he looks up in shock, he tilts his head down, why is he so shy? I tell him that he was amazing as I clap my hands, but he just stares at the ground a small smile making its way to his lips as they curve upwards, he looks up, nods at me and speed walks out the door, but I don’t chase after him, I know that exactly a week from now I’ll be standing here again and telling him how good he is, and I will do it every week, until the day he starts to belive in himself, the day he looks up and says “I know”.

I like it when I’m with my friends, I don’t have to think about tomorrow, I don’t have to think about who I am, and what I will do with my life, I can forget everything and laugh, I can smile without it being fake, but then when I go home, it hits me all at once, so fast that I don’t even have the time to breathe, as I start choking on my sobs, because after all of it, I’m always alone, I will always be alone. Then I start to think maybe I was built to be alone, maybe I don’t deserve someone to hold, the possibilities and tiring thoughts are endless, a cycle that never stops. So I grab the bottle as I pop one in my mouth and gulp down the liquid that seems to be water but I don’t really care at this point I just want some sleep, and sleep is what I get, but I don’t like it, it’s not natural, it’s the pills, but again there are a lot of things I don’t like but who gives a fuck about that, people only wanna hear the good stuff, so why don’t you just shut up and keep it to yourself, like everybody else does.-H

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