Reality And Me

Seven days a week and it’s a cycle that keeps going. With you on my mind, anxiety in my veins and then there’s the coffee I’ve been drinking at college, small round cups of styrofoam filled with sugary content and too much powdered milk, stamped with the words “coffee”. It’s overpriced.

It’s the girls, groups and groups before being called a hypocrite I’d like to state that I’m in one too. The part that’s near to falling off but just there in the background, smiling at jokes and laughing way too loud just for the sake of acknowledgement. It’s the attention I don’t even want but yet I still find myself chasing after it.

The conclusion I’ve dropped to is that my mind has been split into two realities. The one I keep living inside the confines of my body and then there’s the one people see. I’m the girl who’s sometimes too moody and doesn’t share much, but then I’ll crack a joke so good yet equally offending that people won’t know what to think of me. And people hate uncertainty. So people will think it best to take a step back from me.

And then there’s the one in my brain where everything seems so irrelevant, the things they say and do. I don’t want to be a part of any of it. And no I don’t like taking selfiies on park benches with smiles so wide and fake it’s almost believable how we don’t actually hate each other and how that thing you said about my hair being obnoxious yesterday was just a joke.

But I still sat on that stupid park bench in the freezing cold doing a fucking peace sign with my fingers as my lips curved upwards. It was kinda fun though.-H