So I’ve got many talents ranging from an expertise in procrastination and thinking about the inevitability of death 24/7 I’d say I’m good at a reasonable amount of things for someone my age. On the other hand though there are a few, I mean a lot of things I absolutely suck at, those include sports, cooking, going outside and the list goes…pretty far. But we’re going to focus on one, which is making conversation with someone.
The issue isn’t really talking to someone, I believe I can do that pretty well. But those moments where it’s you and another person either in a waiting room or a house party the setting doesn’t really matter however the silence between you and the other person where no one says anything and you’re both sat there like “okay this isn’t awkward at all.” It’s in those moments that I find myself begging for death to arrive or for the ground to open up and swallow me alive, because I’d rather do push-ups than try to think of something to say to someone while I’m sat with them.
I wonder if I should talk about a tv show but what if they don’t know about it and I end up making them feel bad for not knowing about it, or even worse what if they don’t like it and I end up having a fight with them over a show. Then I think about all the great books I could bring up, but what if they think I’m just a lame nerd with no life whatsoever (okay they wouldn’t be exactly wrong to assume that). But after thinking of like a million things to talk about and immediately dismissing those ideas as “not right” minutes seem to pass without me saying anything which usually looks like I’m either too stuck up to try to talk to the person or that my brain is literally in outer space not giving a shit about said person. And then the person slowly and painfully awkwardly gets up and tells me they have to go, leaving me looking like a complete and utter idiot.
I really hope that with time I learn to actually strike up conversations with people and not think everything I say will ultimately be either shot down or offensive. But for now I’d rather never leave my house than sit in agonizing silence with someone. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing about another reason I’m such a flop at being a member of society. And I hope you’ll keep reading whatever that comes next on my blog. As always I’m grateful for the likes and comments that I receive and appreciate all the love. -H