This World Today.

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Marks fill up flesh like ink dropped from a pen. I walk down streets of black and white as the moon hangs in the sky, I pity those who lay in bed, eyes glued shut as sleep overtakes them. They are missing out on so much. The nights are a crashing mixture of everything missing during the daytime. You don’t see smiles forged on faces that shine in such perfection that ceases to exist in this world.

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This World Today.

I Can’t Accept Change

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I’ve never really been good at excepting change, whether it’s with something as small as buying clothes in colors apart from black or weather it’s something as large as moving house. Change doesn’t just scare me like it does most people, change is like that step from warmth straight into the winter snow. And there’s this feeling the unfamiliarity of a situation brings that I find hard to digest.

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I Can’t Accept Change

Summing Up 2017

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I know, I know this isn’t what I usually do and it doesn’t fit the whole layout of my blog, but the year’s ending and I’m tired. I hate making resolutions that I know I won’t give a shit about after the first week of 2018. And 2017..It wasn’t a great year for me and I can’t sit here and fill pages over pages talking about what I’ve achieved this year, so I’m just going to answer a few questions that will hopefully sum up this not-so-great year for me. You can answer along or even take it as a challenge and post it on your very own blog.

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Summing Up 2017

I Keep Thinking Of You

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You are the crack in my bedroom wall I keep staring at. You are the color I saw in my grandma’s eyes before she died. You are everything gone wrong, every knee I scraped on concrete and every tooth I lost to the tooth fairy I once believed in.

You are the hefty weight of dread that sits upon my heart, you are not the heart-break but you are what comes after. After I’ve been bruised beyond repair and you are the sadness I saw on my father’s face when I failed him. You are the lover I’m running from and the stranger I wish I’d never met.

You are the sleep that I never get and the heaviness of every breath. The emptiness of each day and the burning of sunlight collapsing on my skin. With your fingerprints lingering in the edges of my brain, your touch makes my head buzz and my heart self destruct.

You are everything folded within the boundaries of nothing. And that scares me.-H

I Keep Thinking Of You

The World I Live In

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Grounded in a society overdosing on poverty, yet money still goes down drains when it’s time for her to marry him. Aren’t they supposed to be cousins?
My mornings start with a sense of emptiness when my eyes still blurry search screens for news better than another suicide bombing. But it’s never really there.

Living in a country that flaunts physical abuse and people still joke about hitting their wives. It’s all so fucked up but no one gives a fuck, so it only just gets worse while the people around me find solace in criticism of the next nerd that walks by as judgemental stares follow those with voices that speak of more than the next trend on twitter.

While they successfully land on Mars, we lie constricted in numb realities where couples can’t hold hands in public and smokers are sinners. We are choking on our own stupidity, using religion to do everything but the right. And it’s like sitting in a room on fire, being the only one awake it’s awfully hurtful and slightly annoying how ignorant the people around me are. Yet sometimes it feels like I’m sleeping in the same ignorance as them. When churches are burnt on Sunday’s and Mosque’s fall to the ground the very next week. It gets harder to believe.-H

The World I Live In

Reality And Me

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Seven days a week and it’s a cycle that keeps going. With you on my mind, anxiety in my veins and then there’s the coffee I’ve been drinking at college, small round cups of styrofoam filled with sugary content and too much powdered milk, stamped with the words “coffee”. It’s overpriced.

It’s the girls, groups and groups before being called a hypocrite I’d like to state that I’m in one too. The part that’s near to falling off but just there in the background, smiling at jokes and laughing way too loud just for the sake of acknowledgement. It’s the attention I don’t even want but yet I still find myself chasing after it.

The conclusion I’ve dropped to is that my mind has been split into two realities. The one I keep living inside the confines of my body and then there’s the one people see. I’m the girl who’s sometimes too moody and doesn’t share much, but then I’ll crack a joke so good yet equally offending that people won’t know what to think of me. And people hate uncertainty. So people will think it best to take a step back from me.

And then there’s the one in my brain where everything seems so irrelevant, the things they say and do. I don’t want to be a part of any of it. And no I don’t like taking selfiies on park benches with smiles so wide and fake it’s almost believable how we don’t actually hate each other and how that thing you said about my hair being obnoxious yesterday was just a joke.

But I still sat on that stupid park bench in the freezing cold doing a fucking peace sign with my fingers as my lips curved upwards. It was kinda fun though.-H

Reality And Me