Another sleepless night goes by. As I lay in bed, empty hearted and lost, I wonder why I do this to myself. Why does it feel good to go through the pain? And why do the tears not destroy me? I find myself often bringing back the worst and the most hurtful memories, ones that should be locked away in a place unreachable in my mind. I dig through the good just to get to the worst. At this time of the night when sleep is just not an option, my brain decides to take me back. Back to the days I wished I would disappear, the days I couldn’t breath because my lungs could not adapt to the negativity in the atmosphere, because your words couldn’t escape my mind and slowly they were making me choke myself. The truth is those days can never really stay in the past. Every few weeks I wonder, that if I vanished into the air would anyone even notice. Would they even care. If I wouldn’t answer their first call would they be afraid of what might have happened or would they just brush it off as nothing. I also wonder do people really say what they feel or are they not trying to be rude to my face, do they have a different opinion of me when I’m not around. Do I even matter or could I just disappear and no one would notice?, am I really invisible?.
Hey, so I wrote this because it’s one of those nights when I feel empty, like there’s a whole inside me that just cannot be filled with anything other than darkness and pain. And what I do when I cannot sleep is I think, and when I think too much it leads to thinking about everything that is wrong in my life. All the things that i regret the things that hurt me the most and this just causes me to tear myself apart with my own bloody thoughts. So to anyone out there who does the same to themselves, or who is just having another sleepless night. Don’t worry its gonna be okay, it’s just your mind messing with you. And you are stronger than this so whatever thoughts come up, whichever memory makes you want to cry, know that it is just a thought or memory it will or already has passed. And you are important, you do matter. There is someone out there who is looking for you but doesn’t know where you are, and I hope you’re looking for them to. Because you two belong together maybe not now but if you pull through this, tomorrow may be the best day of your life, you might meet that person or you might just get a free gift card. But always remember you might not know what happens tomorrow but you are in charge of today so make today lead up to the best tomorrow. With love, H.
We are all humans and sometimes we make mistakes, after all, mistakes help us grow and find ourselves. But sometimes the mistakes we make may hurt the people we love and the people who are the closest to us. Even though we don’t mean to hurt them we end up doing it. And the best way to fix things with the people you love is to apologise. Now some of us find it hard to do that or don’t know how to do it right, so the following steps can help you fix things and learn along the way
Step 1: Acceptance
The first step to apologising to the people you’ve hurt is accepting the mistake yourself. Always remember you can’t be honest with others if you’re not honest with yourself. So to start of, think of the mistake you’ve made and accept the fact that you are the one that needs to make it right.
Step 2: Preparation
Prepare yourself for the reaction of the person you’ve hurt. If you’ve caused just a bit of damage then the person will not react as harshly as they will if the you’ve caused a lot of damage. The person will either not talk to you, ignore you (give you the cold shoulder) or they will just yell at you. And you have to prepare yourself for all of the above. Always make sure to keep cool and understand that the person is mad because you hurt them so don’t yell back at them just let them take it all out and cool of.
Step 3: Words
If using wrong words is the reason the other person is sad or angry, then try to fix the situation with the right words this time. Tell the person how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Pour your heart into the words that escape your mouth, say it like you mean it. Show the person some emotion and let them know how you wish to take it all back and make things right again.
Step 4: Actions
If your words did not bring an impact then it’s time to try to use actions. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Surprise the person with something they love, cook them a meal, or buy them their favourite coffee. If the person does not let you in simply leave something small but sweet at their doorstep something that they will know right away that it was you. Or gift them something that makes them remember an inside joke. Anything that makes them smile and think of the good times instead of the bad.
Step 5: Space
If all of the above have failed to work their way into the heart of the other person, then it’s time to give them some space. It’s time to let then clear their head and think whether to forgive you or not. So don’t push them let them take their time of, and if they care about you after a while of not talking and avoiding they will end up missing you and eventually forgiving you.
A friend that every person who feels lonely at times can make is a book. Books not only are a great way of passing your lonely time, you also learn a lot from them. When I’m reading a book that’s really good it takes me into an alternate universe where I don’t have to think about today’s worries. So books are not only a good pass time but also help you relax and unwind. You also end up learning new words. So the next time you feel lonely, grab a book and dive into another world for a while.
2) Looking Back
Another good way to spend your lonely time is to take a walk down memory lane. Recall all the best moments in your life. Thinking about all the great times will not only put a smile on your face but will also make you feel less lonely. This will also help you think about how much your life has changed and all the things you now do differently from before. Childhood memories would make you remember what it was like to live a life without worry.
3) Being Thankful
While you’re lonely, why not take the time to look around and be thankful of all the good that surrounds you. Be grateful for all you have and think about the things you take for granted everyday. Try to make yourself promise to be more humble and kind to others. Think of all the resources that you have and others don’t. And tell yourself to remember to always give back and stay humble
4) Cleaning Your Room
There’s one thing almost everyone has in common, and that is a room that needs cleaning. Now when I say clean your room I don’t mean “stuff everything in the extra drawer”. I mean actually go through the things you have in your room. And if you have too much stuff that you just don’t use then give it to the poor or to those who might need the things you don’t. Another thing you can do after you’ve ACTUALLY cleaned your room is to try to rearrange the furniture. A new look and some change doesn’t hurt.
5) Help Others
If you feel bored and lonely, look around you and ask someone if they need your help. It’s nice to give someone a hand sometimes. Weather it’s your parents, your friends or even a complete stranger. By helping someone you put a smile on their face and make yourself feel happy to. It’s a great way to pass time, and it benefits not only you but others too.