And you cannot love me, for it is impossible to adore the human embodiment of fear, anxiety and confusion. When that is all that I am.
Some days I feel detached from my own damn body. Like I am a robot simply doing as told. Drifting with the wind.
I tend to focus on the smaller things in life. At one moment it’s all too bright and I can’t understand whether I even like the light. It stings my eyes, the sun.And when it’s dark, all I see is black. The color of thousands of men and women and children treated wrongly. Stolen rights and discrimination.
Because I’m complexity. I am the exact definition of turmoil. Distress radiates off of my skin and every hair on my body. How can you not see?
I am a mess. And you seem to be blind.
The very thought of you trying to turn the other cheek from my insecurities winds me up like a child’s toy. It twists my veins into knots I’m afraid will never be undone.
And I ask you why? Why don’t you see me the way I see myself?
You whisper in my ear making my skin spontaneously scream.
You say, “Because I love you. Because this is what loving is like.”-H
Two astral bodies floating through space.
Poetry penned across a page.
I may never be able to match your light, I might make you fade.
Two chapters in a book shut tight.
As it sits on a dusty bookshelf.
We are rotting away.
Mortal beings. Slaves of time.
In my mind,
You are celestial.
Angelic you hold too much inside.
While I am withering away,
The nothingness, emptiness, the void.
Taking over my body.
Blood vessels, skin and bone.
One by one till’ I’m gone.-H
I can see cracks in your skin, bruises on your thighs. Stood under dimly lit lights, empty streets and caffeine in my blood. It’s 2 am and I’m staring at the sky, as raindrops dance on the windows of shops long closed.And I say a little prayer asking God to stop time. Just like this, because the emptiness in my bones isn’t there, not like it was yesterday and the day before that. I wonder if this is being fine? Have you ever felt alright?
They told you to love her like poets fell in love with words and artists with art. I still remember the day I stole your skateboard, you weren’t mad because I was your friend and it was my birthday. Turning a year older had never felt better than it did that night. I scraped my knees on the road and you scared me on the way home. Something about needles and vaccines.But you could never stay, because they told you to love her like the skies loved the sea. Because they told you to love her. And that’s all that mattered to me.-H