Eighteen Years Old (There’s Still A Lot I Don’t Know)


I’m eighteen years old and there are things that I feel like I know more than anyone ever could, like how much the color yellow infuriates me and how I can never get tired of my mother’s voice, my friends are the closest I’ve ever had to a home and my father’s temper is almost as understandable as the Rubik’s Cube on my bedroom floor that I never could learn to solve. Continue reading

I Built A Home Between Airplane Rides Across The World


By the age of thirteen I had been in six different schools, staying in each for up to three years at the most. It wasn’t because I was bullied or because I couldn’t make any friends but it was rather because my family just moved around a lot. Along with every school that changed so did the house we lived in and the street I had grown familiar to or the neighbors that were always nice. Continue reading



Boys with lungs collapsed and egos bruised, if you love her then you are lucky because the girls like to ride their bikes down paths carved in childhood scars, picture perfect smiles framed on walls melted like crayon wax in colors that stuck to the wallpaper of her bedroom. Had paper thin dreams that she learned would blow away with the wind in her chest someday. She often folds into herself until salty tears spill like waterfalls carved in her cheekbones. And if you dream about her than you are lucky. Because most of us lost her before she even waved, hello. She walks in fear of leaving behind footprints and if you love her than you are lucky. Because most of us are too drowned out to believe that she’s still got the fire in her heels. Paper dreams ablaze, she brings them back to life. So if you love her, I hope you know that you are lucky.-H

Friends |Story Time 

Hey guys, so I thought we could do a story today, since my brain just doesn’t feel like cooperating with me and that no matter what I write it just ends up as a bunch of words thrown together at once, or like someone jumbled up the alphabet and squished it into a paragraph.

So we’re gonna have to do with this for now.

You know those sayings about people walking into your life and walking out. Or how they were never “meant” to stay. Well I met a person like this once, she wasn’t ordinary and she was so much more than just special.

She was one of those people who are so excruciatingly intoxicating that being in their very presence would drive you nuts.

It started in an English class where my teacher liked my poetry so much that she decided that she needed to read it out to the class, after finding out that I couldn’t stop her I asked her to just say that the person who wrote it wants to stay anonymous, and by the grace of God she agreed. (Trust me my English teacher was hella stubborn)

And so she read out the poem and people seemed to love it, they looked around the class thinking of who had written it and none of them had the slightest of idea that I was the one behind it. I mean why would they? I was the girl who stuck by a small close group of friends and was famous for playing the most absurd of pranks on everyone.
But while they were all looking toward the quietest girl of the class, because it’s obvious right? It has to be the quiet shy one at the back, she has to be the one who writes the sad poetry. This one girl who sat in the same seat all year, the girl who had way to many boyfriends and a really good accent, she turned around, she didn’t say anything but she nodded at me. Which was enough to let me know that she got it.

And so what once was a backward glance and a slight nod in a classroom full of teenagers soon turned into a friendship. That only lasted for three months (pretty shitty I know).
But after spending three months by her side I realised that knowing someone’s favourite band or favourite movie doesn’t mean you know them, it just means you know a part of them, a very very small part of them.

I thought I knew her inside and out but all I really knew was that she liked to smoke, a lot. Her dad would give her drum lessons in their basement after school, and she wanted to be a model. But that’s pretty much it.
She was one of those people who don’t just admire from afar, no she wanted to be a part of it. My world, not that it was as exciting as it seemed. The thing was that I took her as someone who was there to stay, turned out she was just passing by.

But her short presence in my boring life taught me something. I stuck by her side because she made me feel special, she was one of those people who weren’t afraid of life, so when she got suspended from school one day, she didn’t sit home feeling bad. She spray painted all the walls in the girls toilet.
She would jump at the smallest mention of adventure, and she would never back out once she was in.

But that didn’t mean I knew her. Because knowing someone means sitting by them and rubbing their back when tears flow from their eyes.
Knowing someone means not only being there in the high, but holding hands when it starts to get low.

We never talked, we were never truly there. It was more like a version of my self was left at home when I was with her, I could never truly be myself.
And that’s just not right, is it?

And so no matter how much this girl and the mystery she was intrigued me, I distanced myself from her. And we went from cracking lame jokes at 3:00 am to just a “hi” or “hello” when we passed by eachother in the hallway.
And the worst part was that she didn’t notice.

I guess the moral of this story is that people will walk into your life in the craziest of ways, and you might think that it’s fate. Because they like your favourite band or because you both like the same color it doesn’t make you soulmates, it just makes you two people with similar tastes.

Remember to stick by those who value you, respect you, treat you like a human being but most of all know you. Not just certain parts of you, the whole you. The people who are there on your worst nights all the way to your best days, the people who you can talk to without being afraid. The ones that will not only give you a hand when you’re down, but a hug and an arm to keep you up.

I guess that’s it for now. I hope you guys enjoyed and I know that this was painfully long but it was kinda all I could come up with.
I do however promise to come back with a better and stronger post next time.-H