The person you are

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“You can easily lose yourself.The person you are, the things that join together to build every piece of you. It took you years to get where you stand today, and it might not be a place you want to be. Or it might not be a place you feel proud of. But think of all the little details that make you the person you are today. Think of the people you hold close to your heart and in the warmth of your love. And now think of those you’ve blocked outside of the walls you’ve built around you. Think of the colors that blind you and those that are just to dark. Think of all the right and the wrong turns you’ve made to reach where you are. Think of life as a map, only that this one is blank. So choose the places you visit carefully because they will end up on this map. And at the end of the day my map would have some dark places that I wouldn’t want to revisit but some would be so beautiful to look back at.

You can’t expect your life to be full of rainbows and flowers. You need to have a bump here and there that’s the only way you can become stronger, the only way to grow. So look at the place you stand today and make as many memories, mistakes and stupid decisions as you can. Because soon you will be looking back. And when you look back don’t you wanna smile and think of the total ass you were (and still probably are). Always remember that these awkward moments of embarrassment and weirdness are the best you’ll ever have. So embrace the awkwardness as long as it lasts. Because one day it will be gone and all you will have to remember it will be a stupid image in your head (or your smartphone) either way it will be gone so why not embrace it.“-H

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Another Sleepless Night..

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Another sleepless night goes by. As I lay in bed, empty hearted and lost, I wonder why I do this to myself. Why does it feel good to go through the pain? And why do the tears not destroy me? I find myself often bringing back the worst and the most hurtful memories, ones that should be locked away in a place unreachable in my mind. I dig through the good just to get to the worst. At this time of the night when sleep is just not an option, my brain decides to take me back. Back to the days I wished I would disappear, the days I couldn’t breath because my lungs could not adapt to the negativity in the atmosphere, because your words couldn’t escape my mind and slowly they were making me choke myself. The truth is those days can never really stay in the past. Every few weeks I wonder, that if I vanished into the air would anyone even notice. Would they even care. If I wouldn’t answer their first call would they be afraid of what might have happened or would they just brush it off as nothing. I also wonder do people really say what they feel or are they not trying to be rude to my face, do they have a different opinion of me when I’m not around. Do I even matter or could I just disappear and no one would notice?, am I really invisible?.

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Hey, so I wrote this because it’s one of those nights when I feel empty, like there’s a whole inside me that just cannot be filled with anything other than darkness and pain. And what I do when I cannot sleep is I think, and when I think too much it leads to thinking about everything that is wrong in my life. All the things that i regret the things that hurt me the most and this just causes me to tear myself apart with my own bloody thoughts. So to anyone out there who does the same to themselves, or who is just having another sleepless night. Don’t worry its gonna be okay, it’s just your mind messing with you. And you are stronger than this so whatever thoughts come up, whichever memory makes you want to cry, know that it is just a thought or memory it will or already has passed. And you are important, you do matter. There is someone out there who is looking for you but doesn’t know where you are, and I hope you’re looking for them to. Because you two belong together maybe not now but if you pull through this, tomorrow may be the best day of your life, you might meet that person or you might just get a free gift card. But always remember you might not know what happens tomorrow but you are in charge of today so make today lead up to the best tomorrow. With love, H.

A short guide to apologies..

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We are all humans and sometimes we make mistakes, after all, mistakes help us grow and find ourselves. But sometimes the mistakes we make may hurt the people we love and the people who are the closest to us. Even though we don’t mean to hurt them we end up doing it. And the best way to fix things with the people you love is to apologise. Now some of us find it hard to do that or don’t know how to do it right, so the following steps can help you fix things and learn along the way

Step 1: Acceptance

The first step to apologising to the people you’ve hurt is accepting the mistake yourself. Always remember you can’t be honest with others if you’re not honest with yourself. So to start of, think of the mistake you’ve made and accept the fact that you are the one that needs to make it right.

Step 2: Preparation

Prepare yourself for the reaction of the person you’ve hurt. If you’ve caused just a bit of damage then the person will not react as harshly as they will if the you’ve caused a lot of damage. The person will either not talk to you, ignore you (give you the cold shoulder) or they will just yell at you. And you have to prepare yourself for all of the above. Always make sure to keep cool and understand that the person is mad because you hurt them so don’t yell back at them just let them take it all out and cool of.

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Step 3: Words

If using  wrong words is the reason the other person is sad or angry, then try to fix the situation with the right words this time. Tell the person how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Pour your heart into the words that escape your mouth, say it like you mean it. Show the person some emotion and let them know how you wish to take it all back and make things right again.

Step 4: Actions

If your words did not bring an impact then it’s time to try to use actions. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Surprise the person with something they love, cook them a meal, or buy them their favourite coffee. If the person does not let you in simply leave something small but sweet at their doorstep something that they will know right away that it was you. Or gift them something that makes them remember an inside joke. Anything that makes them smile and think of the good times instead of the bad.

Step 5: Space

If all of the above have failed to work their way into the heart of the other person, then it’s time to give them some space. It’s time to let then clear their head and think whether to forgive you or not. So don’t push them let them take their time of, and if they care about you after a while of not talking and avoiding they will end up missing you and eventually forgiving you.

 

 

 

It wasn’t you, it was me..

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“I never asked for your help when I was down, you begged me to tell you what was wrong but I pushed you away, thinking you would leave just like him. You looked into my eyes I looked away, you held my hand, I pulled away. You told me it was okay to cry but I said crying was for the weak. I prepared myself for the future, for your departure so well that I lost sight of the present. The truth is you were always there, I just wasn’t.” -H
Enjoy what you have now and stop worrying if it will be here tomorrow. Worrying won’t change the future, life is full of hardships but it’s also full of surprises. So let go for once and try to think about what you have now. Look around you, there are so many people who love you, enjoy every moment like it’s your last and don’t worry about what’s to come. I had everything I ever wanted, but I lost it, because I worried to much all I cared was if all of it would be there tomorrow. It turns out I worried to much, I forgot to enjoy and live in the moment and now when I look back all I feel is regret, if I would’ve lived back then I would have made remarkable and unforgettable memories. So take this from someone who’s been through it, don’t waste your time worrying. Be yourself, love yourself and embrace every moment, the good and the bad.
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Life Sucks But You Gotta Hold On.

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I know that sometimes you feel like crap, you feel like you don’t belong, and the whole world comes crashing down. Just know that you will be alright. Never hurt yourself and never scar yourself, because you are incredibly and utterly beautiful. Never let people that don’t matter get in the way of your happiness. Always remember to hold on and never give ùp cuz if you give up now you will never know of the many experiences waiting for you, you will never see the mind blowing places waiting to be descoverd by you. And the people that will make you laugh and cry the memories you will look proudly back at and tell your kids about. So hold on, because things do get better they always get better. So please know that I’m here for you if no one else is. But before me or anyone else you need to accept yourself, you need to love yourself and most of all you need to be there for you cuz you can and will be your own hero.